Twincestual Fanfiction
by princepsBrocoli
Summary: When Carly does an assignment for English class on Freddie and Sam, she finds the results rather...interesting. Seddie
1. Prologue

**Whoa, it's my first fanfic. It actually exists in the flesh. The experience is both awe-inspiring and terrifying. I can safely say, however, that I do not own iCarly (if I did, I wouldn't be writing fanfiction, would I?). This disclaimer applies to all chapters.**

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**I'm out of things to say... o.0**

**Enjoy, you lot. XD**

Twincestual Fanfiction

Chapter 1

Carly heaved a sigh of relief as the bell rang to end English class. There was only Mr. Howard's class left and that was paradise compared to her previous night.

_Its over,_ she thought, _it's over, it's over, it's over._

"Carly would you come over here for a second?" Mr. Palladino asked Carly as she was about to exit his room.

Carly glanced at Sam, hoping to see some reason in her eyes that would serve as an excuse to leave that room. Sam didn't get her best friend's longing expression, or mistook it for tiredness, and shrugged.

Carly inwardly groaned and dragged herself towards her English teacher's desk as if she had been a fatally wounded soldier on the field of battle. "Yes, Mr. Palladino?" she moaned as perkily as she could.

He took no notice. "A yes, Carly. I wanted to talk to you about your assignment that you turned in yesterday."

"What about it?" Carly asked dejectedly.

"Well it's simply brilliant," he exclaimed excitedly, "in all my years of teaching, I have _never_ seen a student create such an amazing freelance assignment."

"It wasn't exactly freelance." mumbled Carly.

"Yes, yes, of course," the teacher murmured to himself, "It _did_ have to be about real people and using Freddy and Sam was rather obvious. But regardless, you having posed them as twins was ingenious. Where did you get the idea?"

"It wandered into my head and wouldn't leave me alone." she replied falsely smiling. _At all_, Carly thought to herself, _for two straight weeks_.

"Well it's certainly a good thing it did," Mr. Palladino stated. "You may go now, Carly."

Carly gratefully heaved herself out of his room and towards her locker when-

"Carly? One last thing." like a zombie, the girl turned her head slowly to face the man.

"Yes?" she practically whispered.

"Did you work hard on this? You know, make a lot of first drafts and throw away failed stories and such?"

For the first time that day, Carly genuinely smiled. "You have no idea, Mr. Palladino. You have no idea."

**Well, how was it? Tell me with your reviews. Also, don't just write five words of review. Please, take your time to make me a better writer: tell me what you liked,what you disliked, what you think I'm good at, what I can work on. Thank you for your time, I love you all. XD**


	2. Exposition

**Yay, I made chapter two. There are two things I want to address before I begin: the wonderful reviews you all sent me and my insecurities about the story.**

**I know the first chapter was of diminutive length. I went into the story knowing fully well that it was to be the shortest chapter. No, we will not get to read wqhat Carly turned in for Palladino, but you will get to read something that is (hopefuly) much better. I also edited chapter one (hereafter, "Prologue") and was much more meticulous about this chapter's (henceforth, "Exposition") details (Can you lot beleive I accidentally ommitted an ENTIRE LINE? o.0). Finally, I'm aware that Prologue had very little explainitory components; this is what chapters two through four are for.**

**Here come my insecurities. Is the title good? I conciously decided not to make the title follow the "iDo Something" format, but the decision is still somewhat trepid. Also, are the chapter titles bad? I'm naming them after literary terms and feel they might be nerdy-sounding or hard to understand. Are they? Should I make this chapter longer? I couls easily, and it would probably give more explaination to what Carly wrote. This, however, will probably detract from the length of chapter trhree. Should I do it? IS CARLY IN CHARACTER? Are Sam and Freddie in character? I know it's stupid to worry about this because an earlier review already said she was, but I still do worry.**

**That's enough out of me. Be wonderful. Enjoy. Review! XD**

Twincestual Fanfiction

Chapter 2: Exposition

"What did Palladino want, Carles?" Sam asked as Carly trudged towards her locker.

"He wanted to talk about my assignment that we did." Carly answered tiredly.

"Hey, guys." Freddie greeted his two best friends as he walked up to them and their lockers with the calm of a working father arriving home to see his beautiful wife and kids. "What's this I hear about Mr. Palladino wanting something with Carly?"

"Nothing." Carly replied quickly and evasively.

Freddie crossed his arms, lowered his head, and raised his eyebrows as if to say "I know you well enough to know that you know that I know that that 'nothing' definitely means 'something'"

_Stop thinking in words, Carly_, Carly scolded herself with her thoughts, _you'll give yourself a headache_.

Her reply started with a sigh. "He wanted to give my assignment for him glowing praises."

"Come on, Carles," Sam whined in anticipation, "Who did you even do?"

"Hey, I don't even know what the assignment was," Freddie stated angrily, "Can I have a little background here?"

"We needed to take the lives of two people we knew and rewrite them in a way that they still knew each other." Carly told Freddie.

"Aaaaaaaaand?" Freddie and Sam began in unison.

"I did you two." she responded.

"Aaaaaaaaand?"

"You were twins." her annoyance was seeping into her tone.

"Aaaaaaaaand?"

"And what?" Carly snapped.

Carly's two friends were immediately silenced. Carly stared at them and saw the looks on their faces: disappointment and guilt. After a pause to recollect herself, Carly began again. "I'm sorry, guys. It's been a long day, and I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Hey, we're sorry too." Freddie's voice sounded sincere.

"Yeah, sorry we bugged you, Carles."

Carly paused for a moment to recollect herself. "Hey it's not your fault." she hesitated before offering reconciliation, "D'you guys want a summary?"

"Yes!" the duo exclaimed excitedly, like children being offered candy.

"Did I beat up Fredward?"

"Did I have to deal with my mom?"

"Was Fredward an absolute nerd?"

"Did I valiantly defend you?"

"Did we do iCarly?"

Carly laughed at the bombardment of questions being hurdled at her like a childish medieval general ignoring his limited resources and hurdling his bombs aimlessly over enemy castle walls.

_Those two will always find ways to make me laugh,_ she thought as she went home with them. _It's nice to not be thinking about… No! Bad Carly, don't think of __that__._

The less-innocent versions of her assignment were lurking in the back of her mind like shadows do in the alleys of horror movies.

**I will reiderate: review, especially concerning the aspects I mentioned in my list of insecurities. Danke, ich liebe Sie.**


	3. Beginning

**IT'S BEEN UPLOADED! I FINALLY DID IT! It's right now 00:27 on a newly-turned Thursday. Simply know that I have reasons for not having posted this until now (I shan't make excuses) and don't expect the next chapter until AT LEAST Thanksgiving. Enjoy, you deserve a good chapter after all of your patience.**

**PS: Thank my girlfriend, btdubs. Had I not promised to her that I would have this posted by tonight, it would not have been done.**

"Alright, we're live in five, four, three, two…" counted down Freddie.

"Hi, I'm Carly." yelled Carly into the microphone.

"And I'm Sam." continued Sam.

"And this is iCarly."

"Hey Carly," began Sam, sounding more genuinely enthused about the show.

"Yeah, Sam" recited Carly, hoping the difference was just in her head.

"Did you know that this week is International Nerd Pride Week?"

"Why yes, Sam. In fact, I even planned a…"

"SPECIAL iCARLY EPISODE!" the two girls screamed in unison into the camera while Freddie typed the words onto his computer to make them appear on the screen.

"So Carls, what did you have planned?" asked Sam.

"Well, I was thinking 'What if we had a contest to see who was iCarly's biggest nerd?'"

"Fredward would win," commented Sam into the camera lens.

"Ha-ha," retorted Freddie after he turned the camera to himself.

_Wow, is it just me, or does their banter sound a lot like…_thought Carly. _No, bad Carly! Don't think those things!_

"Well," continued Carly, hoping her inner monologue didn't affect her delivery, "Freddie isn't a contestant, but we do have three _great_ ones. Aaaannd heeerree they are!"

Three teens, two boys, one Indian and one African-American, and a white, blonde girl, all three dressed in grayish, brownish, greenish, button-downed shirts with neon-colored backpacks that had their initials sewn onto them, suspenders whose black straps were clearly visible against their vomit-colored shirts, carbon dated shoes, and glasses with thick, obvious, and repeatedly taped lenses, entered the room accompanied by cheers from Sam, Carly and the recorded crowd from Sam's remote.

"So," started Carly once the contestants had put themselves into a line, "Why don't our contestants introduce themselves? Just say your name and the nerdiest thing you can do."

"Hi, I'm Armin," the Indian boy introduced himself, "And I'm taking a college-level theoretical math course."

"I'm Marc," continued the other boy when Freddie focused the camera on him, "And I have been training to become a software technician since the summer going into eight grade."

"And I'm Sheila. I can name every regular on Buffy the Vampire Slayer in order of appearance."

"Now that our contestants have been introduced," yelled Carly once Freddie placed the camera's focus on her again, "They'll have to use their smarts to help us with an old-time favourite..."

Carly, Sam, and their three guests all shouted simultaneously "Messing With Lubert!"

* * *

"Bye guys," yelled Freddie as he bid the contestants.

"It's been great having you," added Carly. "Congrats again, Sheila."

Freddie closed the door to Carly and Spencer's apartment, commenting, "Great show tonight, guys."

"Yeah," agreed Sam, "I can't believe Armin thought of that."

"And did you see the look on Lubert's face?" the two laughed out simultaneously.

"So Carly, you up for a trip to the Groovy Smoothie?" asked Spencer once Sam and Freddie's laughter quieted.

"No, I don't think I could take anymore of their..." _Foreplay!_ screamed Carly's mind almost before it caught itself. _No, Sam and Freddie are not doing foreplay! Bad Carly, don't think that ever, ever again!_

"Their what?" asked Sam after Carly's silence.

"Ice," Carly replied defensively.

"Ice?" aked Freddie incredulously.

"Carly are you feeling okay?" asked Spencer with concer.

"Yes. No." Carly looked to see her brother and best friends look at her with worry. "I-I-I'm not feeling well. I'll go to bed now." She quickly began to run up the stairs to her room.

"D'you want me to make to make you some hot-"

"No! I'm fine." yelled Carly downstairs.

"Well d'you want me to stay home in case you need some-"

"No. Go with Sam and Freddie. Right now. I'll be fine."

"You sure Carly?" yelled Freddie.

"Yes," she replied. "Just go; have a good time."

"Okay, but we'll bve back soon," concluded Spencer. "Call me if-"

"Will do. Bye."

* * *

Carly looked around her. It was neither dark nor light, yet somehow both. She turned around in circles to see blank flatness on all sides. On her fourth spin, she was greeted with the vision of a bedroom. It was not unlike her room in terms of furniture placement, but the furniture itself reflected both a Victorian era and large abundance of purple: the wallpaper sported fuchsia hyancinths; the carpet was a deep plum; on the amythest couches were cobwebs of lilac lace; and a on a rich, royal-purple bed with thin, lavender shades were two all-too-familiar figures, in little clothing, who seemed to try to be making fire by rubbing their bodies against each other.

"Freddie? Sam?" called out Carly in incredulous disbelief.

The two broke their connecting tongues for a moment to give her a quick glance; they seemed to be expecting her. "Carly," Sam greeted her, after which Freddie began eating her neck.

"What are you two doing here...together?" asked Carly.

"We're here to make something abundantly clear because you have not gotten it yet."

"And what exactly have I not gotten?" asked Carly, feeling stupid.

"That we're no going away until you do something about it," answered Freddie patiently as Sam's tongue began working its way down his chest.

"'We' who?" Carly was beginning to become vexed.

"Your fantasies."

"What do I do about them?" the now-intrigued Carly questioned.

"Get us out of your system," replied Sam. "You know how."

"Fanfiction," responded Carly, finally understanding.

"Yeah," answered Freddie. "Now go. I'd get moving on this quickly if I were you and wanted these gone. Also, we're kinda busy." With a turn of his head, he indicated Sam, who was engrossed on her newest project: his nipple.

* * *

Carly bolted out of her bed like her heart had just been restarted. She leapt out of it and ran quietly downstairs, stopping only to look at her alarm clock, which read 1:17.

_Good, Spencer's asleep_, she thought.

When she reached the computer, she hesitated for a moment. _How much do I need to get it out of my system?_ She pondered how many fantasies she had had over the last two weeks and of what they typically consisted. _No. No, I can't write Sam and Freddie doing_ that.

_It's what it will _take, replied Dream-Freddie in some sleepy corner of her mind.

Carly sighed. "Twincestual fanfiction it is," she muttered as she titled the venture.

**Reviews, pretty please. Also, if there is any confusion, ESPECIALLY because the next chapter starts Carly's fanfiction within the fanfiction, feel free to ask me about it; I really would be happy that you felt it worth your time to ask. Again: vos amo.**


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